Change the World: Affirm Someone

We need a viral movement, not of empty flattery, but of sincerely affirming the humanity of the people we meet.

Want to change the whole world with small, bite-sized steps?

Affirm people.

We’re starving for it.

We live in a highly critical age when civility has been replaced with sharp-tongued sarcasm.

We celebrate witty criticism far more than we celebrate affirmation. But affirming people is a missing ingredient in deeper relationships, mutual emotional healing, and a better world.

You can most likely identify with what it feels like to live in a vacuum of praise, where affirmation is hard to come by. Statistically (and hopefully, you’re an exception), you probably grew up lacking genuine affirmation from Mom and/or Dad. You’ve probably worked in an atmosphere where correction was far more plentiful than congratulations on a job well done, especially when the “performance review” rolls around. You may have even been labeled a rebel or a juvenile delinquent by teachers, school administrators, or even the local police.

Let me clarify, first of all, what affirmation is not.

• Affirmation isn’t empty flattery – words with no foundation in truth.

• Affirmation isn’t appeasement or agreement, especially with actual error.

• Affirmation isn’t saying words without action, but saying words plus action.

In other words, correction isn’t always bad. Criticism can be very valuable, especially when it comes from friends and family who are seeking our best interests. We all need to face our faults now and then so we can work on our habits and patterns for a healthier life. But almost nothing is more powerful in changing our direction than affirmation.

One of the most important moments in Jesus' life was his baptism, which initiated his official, public ministry. John the Baptist felt unworthy of the occasion but reluctantly immersed Jesus in the waters of the Jordan as an example to every future follower of the Messiah. When Jesus emerged from the water, something incredibly meaningful happened, but we often overlook it as we read the gospel accounts.

After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly beloved Son, who brings me joy.”

Matthew 3:16-17 NLT

When Jesus was just getting started in his public ministry, God showed up to speak into his life, words of affirmation, words that celebrated their Father-Son relationship, words that conveyed value. And he did it publicly, in front of people who would then decide to follow Jesus forever.

God didn’t just do this with Jesus. He did it through a burning bush to Moses, through multiple anointings of King David, and through the prophetic word to Jeremiah about his calling. He did it through Jesus in the life of Peter, the “rock,” Paul, the “missionary to the Gentiles,” and John, the “disciple whom Jesus loved.”

God sees past our faults and present messes to what he desires for us to be and calls us by that name. He tells us that because of what Jesus did on our behalf, once we’ve placed our trust in him, he is pleased to call us his children, no matter what.

I have an adult daughter and two little boys. When I read this passage, I am reminded of just how vital it is to their heart development and future success that they hear their dad repeatedly say, "You’re my kid… I love you… and you bring me joy!" 

Even when they’re in trouble for something, like whacking each other, telling a lie, or drawing weather maps on the wall in permanent marker, they still ought to know that I love them, that our relationship is solid, and that they bring me joy… even though they’re going to be punished in the short run.

I encounter grumpy, depressed, agitated, scared and discouraged people in public, and you do, too. We find them checking people out in the grocery store line, pumping gas, paying bills, and trying to make it through life.

They often need to know from a fellow human being that

they matter to God…
they are loved…
and they can make a difference in this world.

We are a divided people. We divide by race, religion, political platforms, and cultural differences. And while words of affirmation won’t necessarily stop wars or settle all conflicts, they can go a long way to add value to the lives of the people we meet every day. But even the people you can’t stand are… human.

They are beautifully human. All humans share one thing in common: the imago dei, the image of God. We all reflect the goodness and glory of our Creator in some way to the people around us. 

You can affirm the dignity and value of someone’s existence even when you vehemently disagree with them.

And perhaps our affirming spirits may just be contagious, go viral, and change the whole world!

So… who’s up next for you to affirm?

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This piece is a polished-up version of a post I wrote a decade ago. I’ve rewritten it because it’s even more relevant now than it was then.

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash.